vanilla priv

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

vanilla priv

The SF Citadel, one of the only aboveground, legal venues open to anyone 18+ who professes an interest in kink, is in danger of not having a space. Zoning issues are quoted as validation for kicking us out of what was to be our home. We have until the end of this month at the current location. What happens after that is unknown. The owners run an incredibly legit, documented organization, but the stigma of what it is that we do is so terrifying that we are in real danger of losing this important place.

And it is important, vitally so. Even in the privacy of our apartment, Asher and I must exercise restraint in our intimacy. If we were to make the noises at home that we do at the Citadel, it is a very real possibility that our neighbors will call the pigs for domestic violence. In California, if the cops are called and no party presses charges, it is within the power of the DA’s office to prosecute the case regardless. Possible charges include felony assault for the sadist and contempt of court for the masochist. Please note that all of this is specifically for the state of California, where sadomasochism is not technically illegal. Many other states have very clear wording in their criminal code penalizing kink.

So I need the Citadel. Without it, I cannot express or practice my sexuality to a satisfying extent. I find this thought utterly terrifying, since being an active sadomasochist is one of a very small handful of things that in my very personal opinion make my life worth living.

There is a staggering amount of fear and intolerance surrounding the kink which is crucial to my making the choice every day to live. That fear and intolerance is fed and reinforced every minute in every medium in our culture. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, for example, is an excellent film which I love. Unfortunately, it echoes the trope of the sadomasochistic psychopathic homicidal rapist, while the protagonists enjoy “normal” sex. (It also contains very strange messages about the value of barrier protection. And wtf poor poly negotiation. AUGH WHY DO I EVEN LIKE THAT MOVIE. I guess if you murder a rapist I’ll forgive a lot of things.) The point is, kink negativity is a strong message that is everywhere.

FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK VANILLA CULTURE IS NOT PRIVILEGED OVER SADOMASOCHISM.