I cannot
There is a discussion going on about the idea of ‘nilla priv. I wanted to draw attention to two bits in particular:
verbalprivilege has an excellent response to another very good point made by fourloves
I tried to put the following under a cut because it made me feel awkward and self-conscious, but tumblr is giving me a lot of trouble right now so oh well.
I want to explain something real quick.
I have three core aspects which define my tastes and reactions. I am agender, antitheist, and sadomasochistic. So, while I do talk about gender stuff a bit and acknowledge that it affects me, on a certain level I kind of see that whole business as not my game. Likewise, while my express lack of faith in anything mystical is another one of that small handful of things to which I attribute my still being alive, it does not come up often and I can generally deal with theists through ridicule or pity. Being agender and antitheist are identities which do not tie me to a group, but rather exclude me from most other groups.
Sadomasochism is clearly much different. It is my one prime aspect which connects me to other people. Additionally, it’s honestly more important to me than any other attribute of mine. I have felt urgent, sincere desires for as long as I can remember, and for as long as I can remember I have been shamed and ostracized for those desires.
I will not elaborate because right now I cannot be anything like civil.
I will engage with many folks. I’ll post ridiculous, hostile things which terrible people throw at me relating to my lack of gender, or what people think my gender may be. I can deal with abrasive situations. I can even hold hands and be gentle at times. I’m pretty sure I can.
I can’t engage with this “But kinky people don’t face difficulties as a result of their sexuality” shit any more because it is too close to home and it makes me incoherent with incredulous rage. It’s frustrating, actually. Everything that I have to say on this topic- and my gracious do I have a mouthful to say- is inundated by a flood of vitriol.
Now. This being the internet, what I predict is that some people will see me backing out and will want to engage further. “What you’re doing is not an argument but a ploy to invalidate my argument with your emotions,” or some such nonsense. You know what? That might work. It’s possible you can goad me into some spiteful, artfully-worded variant of FUCK YOU/ FUCK OFF. I don’t think the effort will be constructive.
So right now I am just glad that there are people with the capacity to do what I cannot. I’ve linked to them at the top of this post. Go read them instead.
Notes
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mermaid-vision said:
Thank you!
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